Let’s be real, we all have insecurities.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with insecurities and low self-esteem. For those who know me or have seen me on Instagram, know that I love to change my hair. When I say change my hair, I mean wear all types of colors – red, blue, green, pink, purple – you name it.
Growing up though, I wasn’t allowed to have bright colors in my hair. My mom wouldn’t allow me to. Being a black girl, I was told by peers that I shouldn’t have colorful hair because it was only for white girls and it would be seen as ghetto. Of course I believed them and shrunk back into my hole. As a kid, you take to heart everything everyone says.
The first time that I was able to convince my mom to let me have bright red hair (this was during Rihanna’s LOUD phase when she rocked the bright red hair look), I got called a hoodrat from a woman who I went to church with (my mom was NOT happy). Once again, I shrunk back into my hole and didn’t wear colored hair again until a year after I graduated college.
Then came the various points in my childhood where people would comment on my facial features – my full lips, big nose, wide eyes, my gap - you know, the same facial features that people today pay thousands to get plastic surgery for.
They also pointed out the fact that I was “too skinny” so I must not eat a lot.
I’ll have you know MA’AM that I could eat you and your entire family and STILL be skinny.
I would also get side-eyed and criticized because of the colorful outfits I would wear. I’d get slick comments and ignored because I wasn’t shopping at Hollister like every popular white kid in high school did.
All of these factors played a part in my seemingly never-ending struggle with self-esteem.
It wasn’t until a year ago that I fully fell in love with myself – insecurities, imperfections, and all. Don’t get me wrong - I still have my days where my insecurities are put in the spotlight and I’d rather hide from the rest of the world. On those days though, I remind myself of who I am. I focus on the things that I love and remind myself that I was crafted by the Ultimate Creator who already sees me as perfect.
When you embrace your insecurities, you become more attractive than those that you view as “perfect”. Maybe you’re like how I used to be: afraid of wearing different hairstyles because you’re afraid of what people will say about you, how they’ll react, or how they’ll perceive you. Maybe you’re afraid of wearing that dress you love so much because you’re worried that people will think you’re trying too hard. Maybe you’re a people pleaser so you try to wear what everyone else is so that you fit in.
Here’s my advice for you: forget them. Period. Wear what you want. If what you wear makes you feel confident, happy, and powerful then don’t stop wearing it. People will always have something to say and they’ll always try to bring someone down to their level. Let me be real: those same people who are filling your head with everything negative under the sun are the same people who are beyond insecure themselves. They see something in you that they wish they had. Those same haters point out your insecurities so that they can feel better about their own.
Don’t give them control. You have a choice of whether or not you will let these people dictate your life and creativity. Wear what you love, do what you love, and be who you love even if it scares you. Your future self will thank you.
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